A tiny presence

We have an ant. This one tiny little ant lives in our downstairs bathroom. Now really, who wants ants in their house? I dislike ants...every year I fight off the trail that finds their way into my kitchen on the hottest day of the year. Never fails- they find one tiny little crack in the caulking by the back door and you come downstairs just as they are having a crumb buffet in the middle of the floor.

So annoying...

You may be asking yourself, then why, do you have an ant in your bathroom and know about it? My youngest son is almost 3 and last summer as the yearly parade made its way in and swiftly we escorted them back out and caulked the door, again,, my little then just 2-year-old would help me look for stray ants. You know, those stubborn ones that you will find off by themselves hours and even days later.

He was so adorably cute squatted down with his head low to the ground, looking so intently that his eyes would almost cross. He was "ant hunting." Over the next few weeks, despite the fact that we had the ant problem well under control, he would still crawl along the floor searching for ants. One day many weeks later he found an ant in the downstairs bathroom, which is only a few feet from our kitchen. He started yelling for me and I casually blew it off and said oh let him be, as I honestly didn't have time to deal with it at that moment. I knew the ant would eventually find its way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen looking for food and I could, well, ahemm, dispose of it.

The ant was temporarily spared.

Later I thought about that ant and knowing that I had not seen it in the kitchen, I too went ant hunting, but it was no where to be found. Lucky thing. Spared once again.

This would go on for weeks. Jaxon would find the ant and by the time I would get to it it was out of sight. Because I too had seen the ant I totally believed him when he would yell that his ant was back.

Fast forwarded a few months and Jaxon now calls this ant his ant buddy. It seriously is like a pet.

As weird as it sounds, when nature calls, I will look by the crease of wall right behind the door and about half of the time there will be Jaxon's little buddy. Maybe the ant knows now that it is safe. No one intends to reroute him or "dispose" of him. Honestly, as much as I know it is not your average pet, this little ant is a tiny little consistent presence and reminder to me that just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

There are even days that when I visit the restroom I find myself a little disappointed that my little reminder is no where to be found.

Yesterday I had a moment. This was a moment of doubt in which I felt that my little tiny impact just wasn't meaning anything. I know my kids love me and I know my husband loves me and I absolutely know God loves me, but honestly, who am I? I am just one person. I am a no one. Why am I trying so hard? Who is it really affecting?

Just as I was sitting with my head in my hands and feeling lost and even a tiny bit hopeless in prayer, I looked up and, you guessed it, there was my little ant crawling towards me across the floor. I was never so happy to see an ant. This little ant helped me dry the tears and find the strength to believe that somewhere within that tiny little creation of God was God. That ant was God for me yesterday.

We may seem so small, so insignificant because we are fighting off the lies that Satan likes to tell us. He plays on our low self-esteem moments and uses those times to try and convince us that our cause is pointless, fruitless, wasted. We might as well just go sit and watch TV rather than open our Bible. We might as well blow off an important servant leader meeting at church or a volunteer commitment because we are nothing but little tiny ants who can't make a difference, not a real difference. Satan would love it if we would believe him, as he has everything to loose if we don't.

Next time Satan starts whispering in your ear that your service, your time, your commitment, your walk is meaningless, close you eyes and visualize your self literally being filled with God from head to toe.

Because when you allow yourself to be a vessel for God, it's not you they see, its Him!

Just because you can't see the immediate fruit of your effort, or even ever, don't doubt that it is there.

The ant is safe.

Sweet Blessings,
Laurie